The best remedy for marriage conflict is marriage
communication. Disagreements, fights, impasses, separations and divorce can be
traced back to poor communication more than any other factor. Likewise,
listening amounts to some of the best relationship medicine around. Listening
works best when we ask good questions.
Good questions indicate bona fide
concern. The man who asks good questions is already well on the way to
communication excellence. The best questions also serve as conversation
starters. Remember, you are interested in her. But, once you start talking,
she’s going to ask stuff too. The more you know each other on a deep level, the
easier it is to fall in love all over again. Here are 10 questions to ask
your wife every year:
1. What
do you think is going right in our relationship? It’s been
a while since you took the marriage vows. But it’s still true that
positive affirmation leads to more productive change than negative
evaluation. It’s helpful to identify our strengths. Once we know them we
can play to them. Building each other up is always a win-win.
2. Where
would you like our relationship to be this time next year? It
doesn’t matter where we are, there’s always room to be better. She might
say, “I’d like to see more spontaneous affection.” Or, “I want us to be
moving forward together in our faith.” She could say, “I want our relationship
to involve more fun!
3. Will
you please marry me, all over again? Say it with flowers.
Say it like you mean it. Make sure your wife knows how much you cherish
her
4. I’d
love to hear about your dreams for the future. A wise
Hebrew writer once wrote, “Without a vision, the people perish.” Listen to
your wife, imagine great things together, and then step into the
possibilities
5. Is
there anywhere you’d like to visit this coming year? Indulge
a little whimsy. Listen, laugh together, fantasize about fabulous
vacations, and then tuck the information away somewhere, so you can
possibly plan a trip. A good husband listens to his wife’s dreams. A great
husband weaves them into their plans for the future
6. Do
you think we’re doing OK financially? This needs to be an
ongoing conversation. However, like any small business (and a family is
like a business in many ways), the directors need to have a comprehensive
annual meeting to evaluate the finances and the plan for the coming year
7. How
are you doing health-wise? Encouraging one another involves
accountability. Partners should never remain ignorant when it comes to
health concerns. And not just physical health. It’s also
important to take inventory of each other’s emotional well-being
8. If
you could change one thing about our priorities as a family, what would it
be? Notice this isn’t an invitation to criticize, but more an
opportunity to grow together. Possible answers might include
– I’d like to see less TV time and more family time with one
another at home.
– We’re not eating together enough. I’d like to see
dinnertime valued a little more. -We say can’t afford a family vacation,
but then we eat out 2-3 times a week. Maybe we should shift that one around!
9. Is
there anything I devote regular time to that you see as a possible threat
to our family or our relationship? Patterns take time to
emerge. When we look back – or from another person’s point of view –
sometimes we can see more clearly. Ask your wife if there are any adjustments
you can make (Consistently late for dinner? Too much golf? Too many
evenings with “the boys”?) that would help her to feel more secure
10. Are
you happy? It’s a good question even if she says she’s
happy already. “What can I do to make you more happy?” is a great
discussion. Again, this is where good, active listening is very
important. And your wife’s greatest happiness will always be found
in God, so encourage her to grow in her faith
Source: http://leadingwithquestions.com/#sthash.LZtvWET7.dpuf
