Showing posts with label coaching. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coaching. Show all posts
Saturday, 21 November 2015
Saturday, 14 November 2015
Fair Exchange
In my opinion a great deal of what is wrong with the world we live in can be laid at the door of the approach that some people choose to adopt to exchange.
As Robert Louis Stevenson once said: “Everybody lives by selling something.”
We all survive and try to prosper by transacting goods, services and favours for money or for other goods, services or favours. Each transaction involves an exchange. But how many truly involve fair exchange?
“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”
– Mark Twain
Supply and demand theory
Supply and demand theory dictates that, in a genuinely open market scenario you can, on the whole, expect fair exchange to prevail.
Unfortunately, though, not every transaction or exchange takes place in a completely open and transparent market – and, thanks to some unscrupulous people, unfair exchange is widespread.
Value perceptions
So what is fair exchange?
It’s about there being a healthy balance between give and take. It’s about ensuring that all parties to a transaction feel satisfied that they have received fair value for what they have given.
By this you will gather that fair exchange is not something that can be scientifically computed. Whether an exchange is fair or not depends on the perceptions of the transacting parties.
In transactions conducted by entities such as corporations or governments things become more complex. Not only the transacting parties but all stakeholders in the transaction need to perceive fair value.
Natural abundance vs scarcity
If, like me, you believe that there is a natural order of abundance on earth, then it makes sense that there should be no incentive for anyone to deviate from the principle of fair exchange.
The problem stems from a widespread scarcity mentality.
In other words, the mentailty that reasons: “There is only so much to go around and if I cannot secure at least my share, someone else will get it and I could end up with nothing”.
Self perpetuating
The scarcity mentality leads to a manipulation of the natural order and an artificial imbalance, which becomes self perpetuating as greed (the desire to have more than one really needs) sets in.
The polarised ‘have’ and ‘have not’ society that results spawns criminal elements that engage in corrupt dealings and even the complete antithesis of ‘fair exchange’ – outright theft.
A simple solution
A simple (yet immensely challenging) solution to the many problems we experience on earth is for all of us to adopt an abundance mentality and promote the concept of fair exchange.
When you have an abundance mentality, you start to attract everything you need. You give freely in the knowledge that what goes out comes back. You start to live a life characterised by fair exchange, others become influenced to respond accordingly and the world becomes a better place!
Relevance to life coaching
At New Insights we teach the principle of fair exchange to our trainee coaches, primarily for three reasons:
– We want them to appreciate the intrinsic power of this concept and to promote fair exchange in all their dealings with their clients.
– We want them to understand that they should never undervalue themselves or the service that they offer.
– We know that when two parties are in a win-win relationship, they will go to great lengths to protect, extend and expand that relationship – so it’s good for them, good for business and good for society.
At the heart of it
At the heart of the principle of fair exchange is a principle that all the great teachers on this planet have attempted to impart to us.
Treat others the way you would like them to treat you!
Article by Bill Burridge.
Saturday, 17 October 2015
Relationships and Responsibility
The original founder of New Insights, Neil Asher, and his lovely wife Natasha, are celebrating their twelfth wedding anniversary as I write this post.
As Neil points out on his Facebook page, that’s some achievement nowadays … although, as I need to remind him, he’s got a long way to go to catch up with Jenni and me!
The question is: “What is it that makes for a relationship that can truly stand the test of time?”
“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”
― Donald Miller
Some might say …
“Stupidity”, “a thick skin”, “no ambition”, “a partner with more money”,“lack of courage” and even “fear” might be the type of answers to sprout forth from envious singles, the downright cynical or those stuck in marriages they dislike.
But for the sake of this post let’s discount the negative and focus on the strong, loving and mutually rewarding relationships that most of us want and some of us are fortunate enough to enjoy.
From time to time I see posts in our life coach forum from trainee coaches who encounter difficulty helping clients who want to bring about an improvement in their marriages or other key relationships.
Responsibility with a capital R
The problem, very often, comes down to the client’s inability or unwillingness to take personal Responsibility for their role in the relationship.
I deliberately spell the word with a capital R because it is of such a pivotal importance in life coaching.
It’s up to me
“If it’s to be it’s up to me” is a saying that we frequently use at New Insights to underline the importance of taking responsibility when setting out to make improvements to one or more areas of your life.
Life coaching clients who wake up to – and embrace – the fact that they and they alone are responsible for how their lives turn out, invariably go on to make dramatic gains in their own personal growth and development.
A natural tendency
Let’s face it. We have a natural tendency to justify our shortcomings and blame our misfortunes by pointing to other people, events or circumstances beyond our control.
There’s that little something called the ego that prevents us from accepting that any less-than-desirable situation in which we find ourselves, can possibly be of our own making!
And relationships – which involve forming a bond between two outwardly similar, yet totally unique products of our divine creator – can often result in such situations.
http://www.andrew-hines.com/
Our old friends – justification and blame
When things tend to go ‘belly up’ in a relationship, our natural inclination is to chummy up with our old ‘friends’ justification and blame and give the dreaded Responsibility the cold shoulder!
“You just don’t understand me” is the signature call for those who feel the solution to a relationship impasse lies squarely with the other and the other’s willingness to change his or her attitude or approach.
Bringing the other person to their senses
If problems become more frequent, outside help is often sought to find ways to ‘bring the other person to their senses’.
Less experienced coaches whose clients approach them to help improve their relationships may struggle to understand why they seem powerless to help their clients progress.
Spotting the problem
But experienced coaches will spot the problem quickly … lack of Responsibility! The client simply wants the coach to help him or her how to bring about change … in the partner!
Of course, life coaching can never achieve that, nor should it ever attempt to. With the help of effective coaching, one should come to realise that attempting to control, change or manipulate others is a poor solution and a temporary one at best.
Personal Responsibility
Far better is to learn to take personal Responsibility.
By that I don’t mean to take all of the problems of the relationship on your own shoulders but to realise that you can only bring about lasting change in you. You cannot (either ethically or authentically) change your partner. Any meaningful change in your partner must come about as a result of their own actions.
Answering the question
So, let’s cut back to the question I posed at the beginning:
“What is it that makes for a relationship that can truly stand the test of time?”
In my opinion, it takes two individuals who fully respect (and preferably come to love) each other’s individuality and uniqueness and who appreciate that this will inevitably result in differences of opinion and approach that will require compromise.
It requires both individuals to take personal Responsibility for their own roles in improving the relationship. If committed, each partner needs to act unselfishly to make the changes needed to benefit the relationship.
If you can learn to love someone for who they are and how they complement you, rather than for who you want them to be and how they stroke your ego, then it’s very likely that you will encourage the same attitude and behaviour from them.
By being respectful of each other’s uniqueness, mutually committed to the relationship, totally Responsible for your own actions and behaviours and by acting unselfishly …
… You will create the pixie dust from which a strong and long lasting relationship will materialise!
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